The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .

But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and right here reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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