The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to More about the author be great?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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